I very nearly begged off of this week’s post.  I’m tired.  This time of year, I’m always tired.  I entertain extreme fantasies of quitting my job and winning the lottery.  Notice, that’s backwards.  This time of year, I’m backwards and I don’t care.

I have enough experience with myself and with life that I can refrain from following through on the beginning of this fantasy.  I know that this too, shall pass.  It always does.  The sun will come out tomorrow, and etc.  Plus, I need the paycheck.

This week, we didn’t have students on Friday because in this district they cancel school for Parent Teacher Conferences.  That’s right, twice a year (once in the fall and again in late winter), students sleep in and lay about watching YouTube in the comfort of their own home instead of in my class, and instead of wrestling with angsty teenagers, I wrestle with delusional parents.

To be fair, they aren’t all delusional.  Some of them are just as tired of their kid as I am.  We look at each other and shrug.

And even the ones I am referring to as “delusional” aren’t really delusional.  Sure, some of them are, but some of them are just desperate and hope I will acquiesce to their verbal bludgeoning so that Johnny will pass English and graduate from high school, and thereby get out of the house.

Occasionally, I run across a parent who really didn’t know that Johnny was a bold-faced liar (I know it should be “bald-faced,” but I wrote “bold” first and decided that I really liked it because to be honest, Johnny is nothing if not bold), that therefore all those nights he answered “nothing” to their diligent inquiries about homework was untrue, and they never got my email notifications about missing work because Johnny entered a false email for them when he registered for his classes last fall (because Johnny is bold).  For these parents, at least, Parent Teacher Conferences are helpful.

But for most parents, PTC is a waste of time.  This is especially true in this district that dedicates a school day to them – in order to come to school to discuss Johnny’s grades, Johnny’s mom and dad have to get time off from work or take a long lunch.  I remember being Johnny’s mom; no way I could have taken enough time from work to go to five parent teacher conferences for my five Johnnys.  It would have had to be a sick day (and I didn’t always have a job where I had sick days available).  This arrangement is not fair to parents who work.

But the reason I say PTC is a waste of time is, in this day of online grade books, parents know what their child is doing in class.  The grade book is available to anyone with computer access, 24 hours per day.  Johnny has a 61%?  Look to see how he’s done on the 14 assignments listed in the grade book.  Oh, he’s missing five assignments?  That’s why he has a low grade in the class. Next?

For the most part, there’s no good reason to go to a PTC if the only reason is to ask the teacher to look up grades so that everyone can see that Johnny is missing work, when that is something that could be done at home (or in the public library)—and the vast majority of low grades are due to Johnny missing work. Not to mention that I teach high school, and not just high school, but this year, four of my seven classes are seniors—who should be able to stay on top of their own dang missing assignments.  In four short months, they’ll be out in the world (hopefully, knock on wood); they need to take responsibility for their own work or the lack thereof, just like they'll take responsibility for paying their share of the electric bill (haha) when they move out and mom and dad are no longer responsible to pay their bills.

Some teachers don’t accept late work at all.  For those classes especially, PTC are wasteful if the only reason to go is to discover missing assignments.  At least in my classes there’s still a possibility to turn in missing work (against the collective judgment of my department, I will accept late work until the end of the quarter; although I do impose a 30% penalty on late work, students can still pass my class if they get their act together soon enough). Maybe when someone needs a parent to check on late work policies, and whether there is any flexibility available, a PTC is a good use of everyone's time.

Some parents like to go to PTC to yell at Johnny’s teachers.  This is sad, but true.  They don’t care that Johnny is a bold-faced liar, or that the teacher has contacted them numerous times about missing work, or that they have access to Johnny’s grades on the internet grade book and could have checked those grades at any time between the beginning of school and now.  They are just mad that Johnny isn’t passing (or in some cases, isn’t passing well enough) and they are not going to stop complaining until SOMETHING IS DONE.  Or, to be more accurate, until YOU do something.  They have already raised a perfect child.  The rest is up to you, the imperfect teacher.

The last category of parents I encounter at PTC are the parents who don’t need to be there.  Their child is performing well (although always slightly less well than they “could” because of potential blah blah blah), they are aware of the magic of the internet grade book, and their child has no unsolvable behavior problems.  I’m glad to see them, of course, but their child already manifests that they are already doing all they know how to do.  We don’t need to meet, although I can quickly assure them that yes, things are going well (even though they already know this).  By coming to PTC, they are proving themselves to themselves, and so they come even though they already know almost everything I can tell them.

I have not addressed the times when a parent's help in controlling a student's behavior would come in very handy.  Frankly, a good teacher doesn't usually wait until PTC to arrange a meeting like this.

For all of these reasons, I am not a fan of PTC.  Don’t get me wrong:  I am all about working with parents.  I gladly meet with parents or guardians all the time.  I just think that devoting one whole day (during working hours only) twice a school year is an inefficient method that is used for the most part by people who don’t really need to use it.  To be bald (or bold), it is a waste of time.  Sorry, ya’ll.

See you next week, when I’ll explain what would be a better use of time.

TTFN!